Wednesday, March 16, 2011

On Debt and Controlling Mothers

By controlling mothers I mean less on getting them to do what you want and more on them trying to control every aspect of your life.

My mom has done everything she can to avoid talking to me about my finances. While I do blame her for conditioning me to letting her handle all this. I do blame myself for letting this go on for so long. I know I should have dug my heels in back 11 years ago when I first noticed. My sister agrees that she turns our words around to make it sound like she is doing us a favor. Unfortunately I have no idea were she keeps my bills or even were she keeps my check book.

Yes, she insists on holding onto my check book for me. Hell, she still tries to hold my hand if we cross the street together.

Don't think I don't love her, I do. I just can't grasp why she feels the need to control everything I do. She gets upset if I don't ask her for her opinion/permission when I do things. I tell her what I plan on doing so I don't have to listen to her complain about it for the next days/weeks/years/forever.

A lot of my debt can be blamed on blind trust. Blind trust in my mother that I willingly did and still do. I think I am conditioned to do it. How ever that don't put the blame on anyone but myself. My conversations with her would be something like this.
Me: Can I afford this?
Her: Yes.

Every single time she will say yes. Upon getting a bill I would ask her why did she say I could afford it when I couldn't. She would say "You can't afford anything I don't know why you bought that." This was the start of the mother of all arguments. It was also when I stopped asking my mom for advice.

However the damage was done and it was done well.

At this rate back peddling is not an option. I need to do everything I can to take away what ever power she thinks she has over me. Fortunately my dad is helping a little, but only a little as he has to live with her after I move out. If I move out. God I hope I move out.

1 comment:

  1. It's true it isn't good if a controlling mother doesn't teach you how to become independent in any way. For you it was financially. We just posted about when controlling mothers interfere in adult relationships. Kids really need to be helped to grow up to be independent, not to depend on their parents' opinions on everything.

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